Both ends of four candles

“I’m tired…and dying…
I want to go to bed…”

ASLEEP (Morrissey/Marr)

Short one today. I am frankly exhausted.

Last night was session 2 of the stand-up comedy course and I have arse loads to say about that.

Main point learned: Don’t wing it. If the mentor suggests you bring some material, he means BRING SOME MATERIAL.

And if you don’t have anything knocked together into a tight 3-4mins…you gotta get up there anyway and try and fumble your way through one-liners and call-responses to the crowd you haven’t even thought about for over a decade.

Not a fun 3 mins.

How this came about, how I handled it and what they made of my “hilarious” cup-of-tea in a restaurant “bit” I prepped for the weekly exercise.

Lots to say about that.

But, dear blog-absorber, that will have to wait.

It’s exactly 7pm on Tuesday night and I am back again at the damp and greasy back table. I am slapping this out on the old Prius as I wait squirtily for the quiz to start.

Feel anxious today. Not sure why. I’m putting it down to tiredness.

The next few weeks of Stand-Up Course 7-10pm Mondays, Quiz night 7-11pm Tuesdays is proving to be weary upon your author’s shoulders.


Chins up. The quiz is written, laser printed, stapled and distributed. I have set all the tables with picture rounds and quiz sheets and pens. The lighting is right, the mic has been tested.

My Spotify playlist for the music round waits patiently on the Bar PA system, ready for the barman to press play in a few hours time.

I have my spin, spin, spin the wheel of justice to whirl about when the mood takes me.

And shock upon shock, we have a full house who have booked. So I’ll be hosting about 6-7 teams.

It’s gonna be a rowdy one. But I need to keep control, steer the audience, control the heckles, speak clearly, not pop out for fags and pints when I should be totting up answer scores, and making sure everyone has a great time.

Me? I guess I enjoy it. Would I rather have gone home for tea and a nap?

Possibly. A shower and a shave would have done me good.

Tea, though? Apparently – as I discovered to pin-drop echoey silence last night – is not something in which many people are interested.


And so…to a pint and an audio book and 30mins of deep breathing before show time.

More soon

Wish you were here x  

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